Fig. 1: Part of the gender identity spectrum of spammers.

I rejoice when I get spam, because it gives me an opportunity to replenish the budget of my beloved country (where the money for pensions, hospitals, schools, little houses for ducks, and now even for Counter-Strike comes from, if you know what I mean). I carefully forward every message I receive from spammers to the FAS, giving it the opportunity to replenish the budget not with a paltry 2-500 thousand rubles in fines, but up to 1 million, and then I enjoy the materials from the "investigations" that shed light on the dirty laundry of "respectable businesses" and their non-binary sidekicks. Lies, document forgery, and so on and so forth—just like last year, and before… and something else about the prosthetic paws of the supervisory authorities.

In 2023, I filed complaints with the FAS against 30 spammers for violating advertising laws. There were slightly more complaints, as some representatives of the gnat complex didn't limit themselves to a single message. In 23 cases (76%), the gnats were found guilty of ~~sending spam~~ violating advertising laws and were sent to an authorized official of the Moscow Office of the Federal Antimonopoly Service of Russia to resolve the issue of initiating a case on an administrative offense under Article 14.3 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation. In three cases, the FAS got tangled in its own paws and couldn't manage to identify the offenders, and in another four, it deemed the spam legal. By a strange coincidence, in 3 out of 4 cases, the "legal" spam turned out to be spam from the right people. Make yourselves comfortable, folks, open your popcorn—I'm about to tell you about the most interesting cases of 2023.

Case 1 (mobile phone call): hello, my name is Nadezhda, I represent the interests of the company Rostelecom…

A typical "cold" call from ~~Rostelecom~~ IE Svetlakov E.V., who identifies as Nadezhda from Rostelecom, who, of course, has no idea that ~~advertising~~ spam is being distributed in such a reprehensible manner in its name—how could they, they're a respectable company!

But seriously: PJSC "Rostelecom," in order not to ~~have its good name tarnished~~ pay million-ruble fines for spam as a legal entity, hires the non-binary Svetlakov, who identifies as an IE when dealing with Rostelecom, and as Nadezhda when talking to citizens. When the FAS gets citizen Svetlakov by the short hairs, they turn back into an IE and point a manicured finger at the Code of Administrative Offenses, which stipulates a fine for enterprising individuals that is an order of magnitude smaller than for legal entities. Profit!!!

Case 2 (email message): The holidays, Olivier salad, and corporate parties are long behind us. It's time to get your body back in shape—start with proper nutrition, and vitamins and dietary supplements…

The battle of toads and vipers that preceded the spam is laid out over several pages in the FAS decision, but I'll retell it briefly and as I remember it: I ordered a dietary supplement from iHerb, chose Boxberry as the delivery service, the supplement was received, and that's where my relationship with Boxberry ended, but that's just my opinion. Boxberry believed that my personal data, transferred to them from iHerb, became their property and that I had personally logged in, registered, accepted, agreed, and sold myself into slavery. The FAS decided that Boxberry was wrong in general and in particular—they failed to mention in the ad that the dietary supplement is not a medicinal product.

Case 3 (email message): get a QES, get feedback from clients and many more "tempting" offers from whom do you think? From JSC "Russian Post."

In this case, the spammer and I remember the preceding battle of toads and vipers the same way: a long, long time ago, I rented a post office box, and consequently, the post office had all my details—passwords, addresses. I stopped renting it in 2016, but the addresses remained. 7 years passed and... you can guess the rest: "Russian Post" mistakenly continued to distribute advertising messages to the specified address. Meanwhile, we both remember equally well that the contract had no clause about consenting to receive advertising, but for some reason, the post office only remembered this for the first 7 years.

Case 4 (email message): are you interested in website promotion?

The case where the FAS got tangled in its paws and couldn't manage: The Moscow Office of the FAS Russia sent an information request to LLC "Selectel" about the owners and administrators of the IP address on the Internet: 109.71.10.156. LLC "Selectel" provided information about the owner and administrator of the specified IP address in the form of a first and last name and an email address. The information provided does not allow for the identification of a real existing individual/legal entity.

I forwarded this cry of despair to Roskomnadzor with a request to provide a legal assessment of the inability to identify a real subscriber based on the data the provider has. In my opinion, this contradicts the requirements of the law, even if the said subscriber did not slander the sovereign emperor or libel the invincible and legendary. They haven't responded yet, although knowing the problems Roskomnadzor itself has with its paws, there's little hope. Perhaps Selectel will make a statement on its behalf? We're asking, we're asking!

Case 5 (email message): the conference "Technological Sovereignty—A New IT Strategy for Russian Business" will take place. The event is organized by the business communications agency CNews Conferences.

So, a conference, so it's happening, so it's organized by CNews (whom the FAS is constantly cracking down on for sending spam). What could possibly go wrong, you ask? Well, this: The Moscow Office of the FAS Russia concludes that the applicant received an informational message at their email address from an organization subordinate to the Government of Moscow, and therefore—the e-mail message received by the applicant is not advertising; this e-mail message was sent for the purpose of informing about the aforementioned conference. This is different, this is spam—the right people's spam, not advertising, but informing. For comparison, see the next case.

Case 6 (email message): we invite you to take part in CNews Forum 2023!

What followed was a fascinating battle of toads and vipers over who's on top of whom, who owns the second-level domain name cnews.ru, and who owns the completely different, third-level one—forum.cnews.ru, and who owns the spam recipient's address. The desperate claim was made that the spam was sent to inform about the event—all in vain: ~~CNews~~ LLC "ITZ" was found to be a spammer and received an invitation to have an administrative protocol drawn up. No surprise there, though—this is not an organization subordinate to the Government of Moscow, which only sends out informational messages.

Case 7 (email message): free webinar; in it, we'll tell you how to get more orders using seller-fulfilled delivery.

The same old story: in the opinion of ~~"Avito"~~ LLC "Kekh Ecommerce," the message in question is not advertising, as it is an informational message addressed to a specific user of the service, aimed at improving their user experience. What do you think, folks, did this argument work, given that LLC "Kekh Ecommerce" is not an organization subordinate to the Government of Moscow? Well done, you all answered correctly! Not to mention that the Company provided information about sending the email in question to 728,431 recipients. To a specific user, they sent it, yeah right.

Case 8 (phone call): we help citizens legally free themselves from the obligation to pay off debts and loans.

IE Burdakina A.S. reported that she did not make the phone call in question <…> The Commission establishes that the documents and information submitted by the applicant, PJSC "VimpelCom," and PJSC "MegaFon" confirm the fact that a phone call was received on the applicant's telephone number. Playing the fool didn't work; IE Burdakina A.S. was found to have also violated Part 7 of Article 5 in addition to Parts 1 and 2 of Article 18 of the Law "On Advertising," which means she can't count on a fine at the lower end of the scale.

Case 9 (email message): we would like to offer you our goods with deferred payment of up to 30 calendar days and with a product limit; passports and certificates are attached to each delivery.

A sudden position from the FAS: the message lacks information about the object of advertising; the purpose of this message is not to attract consumers' attention to the object of advertising, to form or maintain interest in it, or to promote it on the market. Why?! For no reason, just because this time ~~the stars aligned that way~~ that's what we think, period. This is the only inexplicable hiccup of the year.

Case 10 (email message): John Doe, hello! We are ready to issue you a GOST certificate…

The FAS decision in the case is standard copy-paste, which is of no interest to us except for the spammer's name—a certain Kvyatkovsky N.M., not even an IE. So, along with the complaint to the FAS, a complaint went to the RKN, since the spam contained the recipient's personal data, and... The FAS found out the spammer's name and fined him, while the RKN, with the exact same set of inputs, plaintively waved the stumps of its paws: an identification procedure was initiated with respect to the domain name administrator, as a result of which the documents confirming the authenticity of the domain name registration data were not provided by the domain name administrator, in connection with which the delegation of the internet resource *** was suspended in accordance with the rules of the domain zone. Well, at least they took down the advertised domain, and that's something.

Case 11 (phone call): this is Elena Sergeevna, a credit specialist, the thing is, to you, as a conscientious client of our partner banks, Alfa-Bank is offering a year without interest and is giving you free service forever…

Identifying as Elena Sergeevna was IE Kikenov L.Y., known in certain circles, who explained to the FAS that it is impossible to provide information about the source of the applicant's phone number, as the data was obtained from open sources. A perfect picture: in the ~~conversations~~ spam, the transsexual Kikenov poses as a female bank employee, lies in an unpleasant female voice to an unknown subscriber that they are supposedly calling them as a client known for their conscientiousness, and the "respectable" "Alfa-Bank" has nothing to do with it—who can figure them out, these transsexuals, why would they selflessly run ads for a totally innocent bank?

The adventures of Elena Sergeevna (aka Lev Yuryevich) Kikenov(a) will continue in court, where, under the sensitive and wise guidance and in the footsteps of comrade Xokare, I have filed a lawsuit for compensation for moral damages.

Case 12 (email message): we invite you to take part in Tadviser Summit 2023: Year-End Results and Plans for 2024.

A fairly standard case, embellished only by an attempt to wriggle out on the pretext that the spam was sent to a "corporate" address, and therefore the spam is not spam (original logic, but no), but its consideration was preceded by the spammer taking the stage with a letter of repentance. Forgive me, Father, the spammer wrote, the devil made me do it, we meant well, but it turned out like something Kikenov would do. We very, very much appreciate your activities, we very, very much want to be friends, and many more words, after reading which my ass shines like a polished samovar.

The message concluded with a request to withdraw the complaint from the FAS, assurances of the deepest respect, and so on, and so forth. Alas, while scratching my ass, I had to disappoint the spammer with the news that the FAS regulations do not provide an option to "withdraw a complaint": you can't turn mince back into meat. After this news, the interest in our activities and the desire to be friends vanished as if by magic, and the case proceeded in the usual manner: find LLC "Konferos" to be in violation, transfer the case materials for initiation, all that administrative stuff. By the way, last year spammers started apologizing en masse for what they had done; two or three repented, although only one made the naive request to withdraw the complaint.

Case 13 (email message): by deciding to order a mailing from us, you will save yourself the extra trouble of finding clients, getting a tangible result within 3 days!

It took a little longer than 3 days, but the result is indeed tangible: transfer the case materials to an authorized official of the Moscow Office of the FAS Russia to resolve the issue of initiating a case on an administrative offense under Article 14.3 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation. Order mailings from spammers, citizens—help replenish the budget!

Case 14 (SMS): you have paid with a Sberbank card for your first purchase of 1000 r. or more as part of our promotion…

Everything was beautiful here: Sberbank, which lied to the FAS that the client had signed a statement consenting to advertising exactly like the standard one, only for some reason we can't produce that specific statement with the client's signature (spoiler: because in the original, the client had neatly crossed out the clause about unconditional consent to receive spam). The same Sberbank, which had already received a curative dose from the FAS more than once following a complaint from the same client, and still decided to spam. The same Sberbank again, which did a complete flip-flop and when resolving the issue of the need to issue an order, the representative of PJSC "Sberbank" changed their stated position, citing that the specified SMS message was sent by mistake due to the fact that the Applicant had refused to receive advertising mailings, but due to a technical error, such a mark was not made. And finally, Sberbank again, to whom the FAS, in a format for the most slow-witted students of a forest school, has forbidden sending spam to anyone, at all, completely, of any kind (you hookers never learn, do you!)

But the first prize goes to, the first prize goes to... who would you think? Roskomnadzor, which, based on the exact same facts, issued a decision that "you have paid with a Sberbank card for your first purchase of 1000 r. or more" is not the illegal use of personal data for the purpose of distributing advertising, but—get ready, take a deep breath—informing the client about the completion of a transaction using an electronic means of payment in accordance with Part 4 of Article 9 of Federal Law No. 161-FZ of June 27, 2011, "On the National Payment System".

Exhale. Once more, letter by letter: "you made a payment of 1000 rub. or more" (to whom? when? for what exact amount?) is, according to the Roskompanoptikum (copied, I suspect, from the very same Sberbank), the bank's notification to its client about a completed payment transaction. Curtain! I would gladly conclude this tirade with a passage that constitutes an offense under Part 3 of Article 20.1 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation, but I will not do so out of respect for the readers and the platform, and not for the freeloaders on our dime who deserve no epithets other than those expressed in obscene form.

However, the story with the RKN is not over yet—I am persistently trying to appeal the aforementioned decision, which has caused ~~a new wave of nonsense~~ a dispute between the courts of general jurisdiction and the arbitration court over jurisdiction, and it is unknown how or when it will be resolved.

If you don't want all the joy of upsetting spammers to be mine alone, join in! A brochure has been released especially for you, "Fighting Spammers by Legal Means. A Guide to Disinsection," it's fun!

Notes on Spammers – 2023: Non-binarity in the service of "solid" business