Comments 97
Одесский след )
Первая шутка довольно глупая.
Мой вариант в качестве примера:
var person1 = new SherlockHolmes();
var person2 = new DrWatson();
person1.MoveToBalloon().Sleep();
person2.MoveToBalloon().Sleep();
var address = new Field(«Где-то»);
if (address == AddressTypes.Unknown)
{
var person3 = new CowMan();
var question = «Скажите, сэр, где мы находимся?»;
person1.Ask(person3, question);
while (person3.IsThinking())
{
Application.DoEvents();
}
person3.Answer(«На воздушном шаре.»);
person1.SpeakTo(person3, «Спасибо, сэр!»);
person1.SpeakTo(person2, «Интересная местность, Ватсон! Программист пасет коров!»);
person2.Ask(person1, «Но, Холмс, с чего вы взяли, что он программист?»);
person1.Answer(person2, «Это элементарно! Во-первых, он долго думал над ответом. Во-вторых, его ответ был абсолютно точен. И самое главное - абсолютно бесполезен!»);
}
else
{
Console.WriteLine(«Not a joke...»);
}
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Публиковать только на форуме msug.vn.ua или можно здесь?
class Egg;
class Grandpa;
class Hank;
class Grandpa
{
friend class Hank; // Grandpa loves it so much!
Grandpa()
{
eggs.first = new Egg;
eggs.second = new Egg;
}
public:
Hank* kupit()
{
return new Hank;
}
private:
std::pair< Egg*, Egg* > eggs;
};
class Hank
{
void snesti( Grandpa* victim )
{
delete victim->eggs.first; // Evil hank!
victim->eggs.first = NULL; // Totally evil!
}
};
void main()
{
Grandpa* pDed = new Grandpa;
Hank* pKurochka = Grandpa.kupit();
pKurochka->snesti( pDed );
assert( ( NULL != pDed->eggs.first ) && «Как это неначисто?» );
}
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class Grandpa;
class Hank;
class Grandpa
{
friend class Hank; // Grandpa loves it so much!
Grandpa()
{
eggs.first = new Egg;
eggs.second = new Egg;
}
public:
Hank* kupit()
{
return new Hank;
}
private:
std::pair< Egg*, Egg* > eggs;
};
class Hank
{
void snesti( Grandpa* victim )
{
delete victim->eggs.first; // Evil hank!
victim->eggs.first = NULL; // Totally evil!
}
};
void main()
{
Grandpa* pDed = new Grandpa;
Hank* pKurochka = Grandpa.kupit();
pKurochka->snesti( pDed );
assert( ( NULL != pDed->eggs.first ) && «Как это неначисто?» );
}
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class Petrosyan:
def __init__(self):
print u"I will DDos you with jokes, MSUG!"
mass_kill = Petrosyan()
import shop.Food;
class Salad extends Food {
public Salad() {
addComponent(new Tomato());
addComponent(new Cucumber());
addComponent(new Salad());
}
}
public static void main() {
try {
Food food = new Salad();
food.eat();
} catch(OutOfMemoryError e) {
System.out.println("Forget it, let's get some beer");
}
}
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ghostbusters();
немного джава скрипта по мотивам bash.org.ru/quote/397136
function answerMe(){
confirm('почему мужчины смеются над блондинками?');
}
function answerMe(){
confirm('почему мужчины смеются над блондинками?');
}
Это хоть не шутка, но…
bool IsRussian(Person personToTest)
{
SteelBall ball1 = new SteelBall();
SteelBall ball2 = new SteelBall();
if (personToTest.Break(ball1) && personToTest.Loose(ball2))
return true;
else
return false;
}
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import universe.std.*;
/**
*
* @author god
*/
public class DisastrousManager extends UniverseManager {
public static void main(String[] args) throws PlanetNotFoundException {
int year;
int month;
int day;
boolean run = true;
while(run) {
year = Date.getYear();
month = Date.getMonth();
day = Day.getDay();
if(year == 2012 && month == 12 && day = 21) {
Planet earth = Universe.getPlanet(Galaxy.MILKY_WAY, Star.SUN, new PlanetNumberFromStar(3));
earth.startDisastrous();
run = false;
}
DisastrousManager.sleep(Date.ONE_DAY_IN_MILLISECONDS);
}
Universe.out.println(Display.STARS_ARRAY, «Enjoy your BUTTHURT, humans!»);
}
}
с НОРМАЛЬНЫМИ отступами:
dpaste.org/1aJH/
/**
*
* @author god
*/
public class DisastrousManager extends UniverseManager {
public static void main(String[] args) throws PlanetNotFoundException {
int year;
int month;
int day;
boolean run = true;
while(run) {
year = Date.getYear();
month = Date.getMonth();
day = Day.getDay();
if(year == 2012 && month == 12 && day = 21) {
Planet earth = Universe.getPlanet(Galaxy.MILKY_WAY, Star.SUN, new PlanetNumberFromStar(3));
earth.startDisastrous();
run = false;
}
DisastrousManager.sleep(Date.ONE_DAY_IN_MILLISECONDS);
}
Universe.out.println(Display.STARS_ARRAY, «Enjoy your BUTTHURT, humans!»);
}
}
с НОРМАЛЬНЫМИ отступами:
dpaste.org/1aJH/
void tellOldChineseWisdom() {
if (nothingToTell) {
tellOldChineseWisdom();
}
}
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#define true rand()
Интересно, я — единственный программист, которого бесят такие поделки и издевательства над кодом?:)
Object invoke(String method,Object param)
{
if (Locale.getDefault()==Locale.USSR)
{
return param.invokeImpl(method,this);
}
return invokeImpl(method,param);
}
{
if (Locale.getDefault()==Locale.USSR)
{
return param.invokeImpl(method,this);
}
return invokeImpl(method,param);
}
Авторы лучших #codejoke и #itfairytale получат лицензированную Windows 7 Ultimate!
После этого стало так лениво.
Стихи. Читать вслух.
<?php
print ("4 8 0 15\n");
print ("108 40 23\n");
print ("16 815\n");
print ("316 2 03\n");
?>
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Золотая рыбка на shell:
#!/bin/bash
for number in 1 2 3 do
chmod +x «Желание»$number
done
#!/bin/bash
for number in 1 2 3 do
chmod +x «Желание»$number
done
По мотивам песни, длинно отднако
class Benny
{
private $_push_amount = 0;
private $_touch_amount = 0;
public function push_me()
{
$this->_push_amount +=1;
}
public function touch_me()
{
$this->_touch_amount +=1;
}
public function satisfaction()
{
echo 'WAU';
$this->_smoke();
$this->_snoring();
}
private function _smoke()
{
echo 'пых пыз пых';
}
private function _snoring()
{
echo 'ghrr...';
}
public function isReady()
{
// TODO remove hardcode :-)
if ($this->_push_amount == 'много' AND $this->_touch_amount == 'много')
{
return true;
}
return false;
}
}
$benny = new Benny();
while (!$benny->isReady())
{
$benny->push_me();
$benny->touch_me();
}
$benny->satisfaction();
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for (;;) kolobok(); // колобок повесился
Вот так работает твиттер:
import Petrosyan
import db
decr = lambda a: Petrosyan.decrypt(a.decode('utf-128'))
for joke in Petrosyan.future_jokes:
db.Tweet(author=db.User('random'), text=decr(joke)).put()
import Petrosyan
import db
decr = lambda a: Petrosyan.decrypt(a.decode('utf-128'))
for joke in Petrosyan.future_jokes:
db.Tweet(author=db.User('random'), text=decr(joke)).put()
Copy Source | Copy HTML
enum Direction {
Left,
Right,
Straight
};
Direction chooseDirection() {
String msg = "Налево пойдёшь - п@#ды получишь, \
направо пойдёшь - п@#ды получишь, \
прямо пойдёшь - п@#ды получишь";
return Dialog::question(msg, Button("Налево", Left), Button("Направо", Right), Button("Прямо", Straight));
}
int TIMEOUT = 5000;
bool timedOut;
Direction dir = WaitForThreaded(chooseDirection(), TIMEOUT, &timedOut);
if (timedOut) {
MessageBox("Решай скорее, а то прямо здесь п@#ды получишь!");
doPunishment();
}
SELECT name FROM european_proletarians
UNION
SELECT name FROM asian_proletarians
UNION
SELECT name FROM african_proletarians
UNION
SELECT name FROM american_proletarians
UNION
SELECT name FROM australian_proletarians
* This source code was highlighted with Source Code Highlighter.bool question(bool to_be)
{
return to_be || !to_be; // wtf? no choice!
}
* This source code was highlighted with Source Code Highlighter.Copy Source | Copy HTML
enum Answer {
Yes,
No,
DontKnow
};
Answer isMouseTrap(unsigned int cheesePrice) {
if (cheesePrice == 0)
return Yes;
else
return DontKnow;
}
if (!mountain.go(Moses.position()))
{
Moses.go(mountain.position());
}
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class Morozov {
protected:
virtual Info getSomeInfo() { return m_info; }
private:
Info m_info;
};
class Pavlik : public Morozov {
public:
virtual Info getSomeInfo() { return Morozov::getSomeInfo(); }
};
- class DeadCat{};
-
- class Cat: public DeadCat{};
-
- class Zoofil
- {
- public:
- void Action(Cat* sexualcat){throw sexualcat;}
- };
-
- class Sadist
- {
- public:
- void Action(Cat* cat){throw cat;}
- };
-
- class Nekrofil
- {
- public:
- void Action(DeadCat* cat){}
- };
-
- class Extremal: public Cat
- {
- public:
- void SayMau(){throw Cat();}
- };
-
-
- class Kamera
- {
- public:
- Extremal extreamal;
- Zoofil zoofil;
- Sadist sadist;
- Nekrofil nekrofil;
-
- Kamera()
- {
- try
- {
- extreamal.SayMau();
- }
- catch(Cat sexualcat)
- {
- try
- {
- zoofil.Action(&sexualcat);
- }
- catch(Cat* cat)
- {
- try
- {
- sadist.Action(cat);
- }
- catch(DeadCat* deadcat)
- {
- nekrofil.Action(deadcat);
- }
- }
-
-
- }
-
- }
-
- };
-
- void main()
- {
- new Kamera();
- }
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На манер Black Sabbath «War Pigs»
«Java Leaks»
Objects gather in a masses
Static-linked from some classes.
Evil code lives in production:
Objects' uncontrolled construction.
CPU is nearly burning,
Virtual machine keeps turning,
Throwing errors of all kinds,
Flooding logs and admins' minds.
Oh leak yeah!
Developers all are fired away
Whose code started the uproar
Who should now go fix this bug?
It cannot be ignored
Time has come for gurus' power minds
Fixing easy as a fun
Refactoring all the buggy mess
Before the release day comes
Yeah!
But production had stopped turning
Ashes where processor 's burning
No more server has the power
Sysadmin's hand struck the hour
Release Day, the boss is calling
Devs make sure no bugs are crawling
Chief QA repents his sins
Version Two now spreads it's wings
Oh hell yeah!
«Java Leaks»
Objects gather in a masses
Static-linked from some classes.
Evil code lives in production:
Objects' uncontrolled construction.
CPU is nearly burning,
Virtual machine keeps turning,
Throwing errors of all kinds,
Flooding logs and admins' minds.
Oh leak yeah!
Developers all are fired away
Whose code started the uproar
Who should now go fix this bug?
It cannot be ignored
Time has come for gurus' power minds
Fixing easy as a fun
Refactoring all the buggy mess
Before the release day comes
Yeah!
But production had stopped turning
Ashes where processor 's burning
No more server has the power
Sysadmin's hand struck the hour
Release Day, the boss is calling
Devs make sure no bugs are crawling
Chief QA repents his sins
Version Two now spreads it's wings
Oh hell yeah!
int Babka;
MS, говорите?
прелестно!
(-:
import ms.win.nt.4.*;
import ms.win.2000.*;
import ms.win.xp.*;
import ms.win.vista.*;
//class Vista {
class Win7 extends Vista {
public static void main() {
wheredoyouwanttogotodayquestionmark:
/* // */ downloadPowerShell(«207.46.232.182»).install();
Vista.main();
//return 0;
goto wheredoyouwanttogotodayquestionmark;
}
…
// ### BUGFIXES START ###
// to praise in commercials!
private void installDriver(Driver driver) {
//int notInAMood=100;
int notInAMood=300;
if(!driver.compatible(vista) || random(notInAMood)==95 /* my fav num */) throw new IncompatibleDriverException();
else this.installDriverForReal(driver);
}
public multiTouch(TouchPoint[] points) {
for(int i=0; i
import ms.win.nt.4.*;
import ms.win.2000.*;
import ms.win.xp.*;
import ms.win.vista.*;
//class Vista {
class Win7 extends Vista {
public static void main() {
wheredoyouwanttogotodayquestionmark:
/* // */ downloadPowerShell(«207.46.232.182»).install();
Vista.main();
//return 0;
goto wheredoyouwanttogotodayquestionmark;
}
…
// ### BUGFIXES START ###
// to praise in commercials!
private void installDriver(Driver driver) {
//int notInAMood=100;
int notInAMood=300;
if(!driver.compatible(vista) || random(notInAMood)==95 /* my fav num */) throw new IncompatibleDriverException();
else this.installDriverForReal(driver);
}
public multiTouch(TouchPoint[] points) {
for(int i=0; i
if ( User::fuckMyMind() ) {
disconnect();
}
disconnect();
}
if( $("#me").data("chydnoe_mgnovenie") ) {
$("#me").before('<div id="you"></div>');
$("#you").hide('fast');
$("#you").append('<div id="genius" class="beautiful" style="clear:both"></div>');
}
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<?php
include 'Priest.php';
include 'Dog.php';
include 'Meat.php';
$pop = new Priest();
$dog = new Dog();
$piece_of_meat = new Meat();
story();
function story() {
$pop.has($dog);
$pop.love($dog);
if ($dog.eat($piece_of_meat)) {
$pop.kill($dog);
$pop.bury($dog);
return $pop.write(story());
};
return true;
};
?>
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>Авторы лучших #codejoke и #itfairytale получат лицензированную Windows 7 Ultimate!
часть шутки?)
Не виндоненависник(вру) ну хоть коврик для мышки бы подарили=)
часть шутки?)
Не виндоненависник(вру) ну хоть коврик для мышки бы подарили=)
s/life/Epic fail/
while (you.canSee)
you.mastrubate();
you.mastrubate();
bool question()
{
return to_be() || !to_be();
}
* This source code was highlighted with Source Code Highlighter.for ( ; !hedgehog.HasFarted; )
hedgehog.Say("I'm not going to fart");
throw new ItWasNotMeException(hedgehog);
Помнится такой был код для пёрла, вполне работающий:
BEFOREHEAD: close door, each window & exit; wait until time.
open spellbook, study, read (scan, select, tell us);
write it, print the hex whole each watches,
reverse its length, write again;
kill spiders, pop them, chop, split, kill them.
unlink arms, shift, wait & listen (listening, wait),
sort the flock (then, warn the «goats» & kill the «sheep»);
kill them, dump qualms, shift moralities,
values aside, each one;
die sheep! die to reverse the system
you accept (reject, respect);
next step,
kill next sacrifice, each sacrifice,
wait, redo ritual until «all the spirits are pleased»;
do it («as they say»).
do it(*everyone***must***participate***in***forbidden**s*e*x*).
return last victim; package body;
exit crypt (time, times & «half a time») & close it,
select (quickly) & warn your next victim;
AFTERWORDS: tell nobody,
wait, wait until time;
wait until next year, next decade;
sleep, sleep, die yourself,
die at last
BEFOREHEAD: close door, each window & exit; wait until time.
open spellbook, study, read (scan, select, tell us);
write it, print the hex whole each watches,
reverse its length, write again;
kill spiders, pop them, chop, split, kill them.
unlink arms, shift, wait & listen (listening, wait),
sort the flock (then, warn the «goats» & kill the «sheep»);
kill them, dump qualms, shift moralities,
values aside, each one;
die sheep! die to reverse the system
you accept (reject, respect);
next step,
kill next sacrifice, each sacrifice,
wait, redo ritual until «all the spirits are pleased»;
do it («as they say»).
do it(*everyone***must***participate***in***forbidden**s*e*x*).
return last victim; package body;
exit crypt (time, times & «half a time») & close it,
select (quickly) & warn your next victim;
AFTERWORDS: tell nobody,
wait, wait until time;
wait until next year, next decade;
sleep, sleep, die yourself,
die at last
аналитики тоже недавно заморочились:
www.umljokes.com
www.umljokes.com
Бесконечное счастье:
while (true)
this.Happy();
while (true)
this.Happy();
$contest = $this;
$user = Users::getUserByName('%username%');
if($contest->getWinner()!=$user)
{
$tracker = new ThePirateBay();
$torrent = $tracker->search('Windows 7 Ultimate');
$torrent->download();
}
$user = Users::getUserByName('%username%');
if($contest->getWinner()!=$user)
{
$tracker = new ThePirateBay();
$torrent = $tracker->search('Windows 7 Ultimate');
$torrent->download();
}
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Шуточный конкурс с дельными призами